found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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