she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize