3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
