I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
