Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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