I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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