I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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