News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
