You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize