i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
