Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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