I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I deserve this hangover.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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