just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
