This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
