I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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