there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
