Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
