well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Enjoy the penises
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
