I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize