Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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