Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
