you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
