I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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