Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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