This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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