I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize