I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
