My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
