I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
