I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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