I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
