her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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