He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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