I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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