I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
