He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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