Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you never un-have a 4some
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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