his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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