So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
