I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
