I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
