I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
