I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't think brook has ever known best
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
