that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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