found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
