T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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