I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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