Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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