Your favorite bartender is back from prision
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
