He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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