I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
