Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
