I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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