community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
