Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize