Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
