dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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