i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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