She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
