Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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