Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
