So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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