I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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