Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
