I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize