he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
