i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
