I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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