btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
