they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
