My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
