i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
