That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
