I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
