Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
