my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
