I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
