If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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