So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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