There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
