So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize