I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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