walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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