i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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