i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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