i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
