hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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