i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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