we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
