EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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