We're facebook friends in real life
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
