spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
