sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
