the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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