Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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