How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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